Why is it that so many dudes have such a hard time when it comes to modding out their rides, especially their trucks? I’m not actually talking about having a hard time finding the perfect shop or part. Most guys know exactly which companies they want to work with, which junkyards to go to, and which places to check. And I’m definitely not talking about finding the money to get that perfect mod up and running. If there’s one thing that gearheads are good at, it’s at having the wherewithal to come up with the cash to feed their jones. Hell, a lot of guys will just participate in the old barter and trade system to get what they want and leave their money at home rolled up in the back of their sock drawer. It’s not even about not having the brute labor to help out on some of those bigger projects, as every motorhead has a friend or a friend of a friend who's happy to do the heavy lifting for a case of beer.
So, here’s the real deal. The hard time so many dudes have with their mods is making sure that they haven't perpetrated one of the worst crimes ever done to a car. So many guys seem to think that their crazy-ass mods are the cat’s meow when they're really basically insane. Then, there are the guys who don’t even know what they're doing and end up with a monstrosity. Finally, there’s a whole group of ‘heads who seem to take pleasure in being king-hell D-bags and creating mods that are just flat-out offensive for one reason or another. All of these terrible mods and more are what we're going to be busting a gut over today. Following you can find 15 truly awful truck mods dudes have done.
Look, guys, as I’ve said before, I’m not completely opposed to pimping your ride with LED. It can be a pretty cool look if done the right way. Unfortunately, this dude doesn’t seem to know what the right way is. I can certainly tell him what it isn’t, though. It’s the truck we’re looking at here. That is way, way, way too much green LED for your truck. It looks like someone should open up a tanning shop underneath the chassis—or even worse, that Bill Peterson is running a crime lab out of the back of this truck. If your LED is almost as bright as the street lights around you, then you've probably gone a little bit too far. There’s another newer problem, too, for those dudes who like to rock the LED. Some local police departments are outlawing it, saying it causes distracted drivers. So, maybe this guy was smart (sort of) to leave his truck parked.
14. Spoilers...On A Pickup?
There's definitely a time and a place for spoilers, and I applaud cool and funky-looking spoilers as much as the next guy, especially when they hit both the proper aesthetic note (i.e. not crazy-huge) and also do what they're actually supposed to do (that is, reduce drag and increase both performance and fuel efficiency). But spoilers should be left to sports cars and the occasional sedan that can get away with such a look. They most certainly aren't supposed to be sitting bolted to the back of some dude’s truck. Here’s a pro tip guys: just because your Tacoma (like the one pictured here) or any other pickup says “Sport” doesn’t mean that it's sporty and should have a spoiler, especially when said spoiler is slammed down on top of a bed cover on your truck. That’s just silly.
13. Scissor Doors
Scissor doors (or Gullwing doors or Scorpions or whatever) have long been a classic mod for lots and lots of different cars. Hell, ever since John DeLorean began the trend (you know, before he went on an endless coke binge and lost his company, all of his money, and his freedom), there have been tons of high-end and even some middle-end models of cars that have gone this route. Ferrari makes a Gullwing look great. Tesla has designed some cool improvements to the genre. Even Volkswagen jumped into it a few years back with their concept car “dune buggy.” But—and this is a huge "but"—any dude who puts scissor doors on his beater of a truck has completely lost it. That’s not a cool mod look—it’s total insanity. Even the modified light package on this thing makes more sense than the doors, and I’m not usually a fan of lightning-bolt flashers. I know you can’t believe it, but really, I’m not.
12. Racing Stripes - Is Pink The Best Option?
And now, we go back to the land of the weird and sporty pickup truck. Look, guys... pickup trucks weren't created with the idea of racing in mind. I know there are plenty of people who don’t believe me on that front as evinced by those who actually do race trucks, but that’s not why God put them on this great green Earth of ours. Pickup trucks are the workhorses of the car industry. Strong, tough, reliable, long-lasting; that’s what a truck is supposed to be. I get it, I get it... this guy wanted to spice up his truck a little bit. Don’t we all? But here’s the kicker: it’s not just racing stripes that he has going on. It's pink racing stripes! Please don’t put pink racing stripes on your truck even if you're a lady. Actually, especially if you are a dudette who likes trucks, doing this isn't gonna help your cause.
11. Lowered Ride - This Makes No Sense
OK, this is just sublimely ridiculous. It can’t possibly be true, right? Nobody would ever do something like this to a Chevy Silverado or any other truck for that matter, right? Wrong. This pic is just one very small example of a whole modding subculture of trucks. Why guys do this is totally beyond me. A truck should be off the ground, dude—not scraping along on the ground. Trucks are for getting in, on, and around difficult places, not for falling apart the first time they hit a frost heave or a pothole. Can you imagine the fallout if this thing ever hit a bump? I have to assume that this guy did this to his truck after it had lived a long and productive life. There’s just no other rational explanation for it, and I don’t want to hear the irrational ones.
10. Rolling Coal
Alright, everyone... you might want to stand back before I commence yet another rant on the idiocy of “Rolling Coal.” For the love of God, please, please, please stop participating in one of the worst mods of all time on any vehicle ever. Please! Rolling coal is so dumb, I don’t even know where to begin.
If you're into rolling coal, then here are all of the things you’re clearly not into:
- Your own truck since you’re going to ruin its appearance with this contraption
- Your own wallet since you’re going to be out a veritable sh*t-ton of money trying to keep up with your inefficient choice
- Your own reputation since everyone who sees you in your truck with this crap streaming away behind you will hate you and consider you a fool and a tool
- Your own planet since you're creating a nastier carbon footprint than any single individual should ever have the right or the ability to do.
9. Chopped Muffler
Let’s get back to the aggressively dumb mods of the world, not the aggressively evil ones. On the other hand, evil is sometimes in the eyes of the beholder. Or in the ears of the beholder, in the case of this guy’s Nissan Titan. Can you see what mod he’s done? That’s right; he took a hacksaw to his exhaust pipe. He even bragged about it in his post. Um, buddy... maybe next time, you shouldn’t brag about such a dumb mod. Sawing your tailpipe in two doesn’t make it perform better, like sawing off the barrel of your shotgun does for home defense. It just makes your pipes incredibly loud and annoying to the rest of us, not to mention, butchering your efficiency. You're driving a Titan, not a Harley—act like it! At least he has the sense to have the aforementioned American flag in his truck bed.
Chrome is the root of all evil car mods; I’m convinced of it, not because chrome in and of itself is a bad thing. I like chrome on my vehicles—it’s classy. But a little bit of chrome can go a long way unless you’re driving that Harley I was talking about, in which case, go nuts on the chrome. But when it comes to their trucks, dudes tend to get a little bit crazy. It’s almost like those old-time prospectors who would get all weirded out trying to chase down Fool’s Gold. Chrome is the Fool’s Gold of the car modding industry—everyone wants it, and everyone keeps looking for more, more, more! Guys, you don’t need that much chrome. Make it a tasteful mod, not a nightmare. This thing is an over-the-top case in point. Also, is it just me, or is that Toyota rocking Lexus chrome? What’s that all about?
7. Vertical Exhaust
Here, we see a dude who has massive vertical exhaust pipes rising out of his truck bed. Now, here’s the deal this track-tard doesn’t seem to be aware of. Dude, your ride doesn’t look tough or manly—it looks faintly ridiculous. No, check that—it looks thoroughly ridiculous, especially when you look a bit more closely. Is there only one pipe rising up like a submarine breaking the surface? Dude, if you're going to make a total ass of yourself, at least go full-on and put two of them back there. Also, there’s no guarantee that thing even does the job it’s supposed to. For all we know, this guy just bolted it to the bed of his truck as a purely decorative item, and you’re never gonna see any actual exhaust blowing from it.
6. Lift Kit
Everybody loves a good lift kit, don’t they? I mean, what can possibly be more fun than lifting your plain old Ford pickup, as this dude did here, and hitting the dunes, trails, and mountains for a little bit of off-roading fun. Of course, there's the chance that you might go into slight overkill mod mode. After all, if you can get your truck lifted a foot or two, why not 10 or 12 feet? It’s the only logical progression, right? Well, maybe not guys. How many truck owners actually go off-roading in these monsters, and how many just go completely brain dead and end up with a monstrosity that never leaves the suburban streets? The best part of this pic is the guy on crutches. He’s using those crutches because he fell out of the truck and fractured an ankle or something similar.
5. Limo Tint - Kinda Douchey
I’ve said this before in other pieces, and I’ll say it again until someone listens. Not only is limo tinting your vehicle a bit arrogant, it’s also more than a bit illegal in most places. But why is it such a big deal, you ask? Because limo tinting a windshield, any windshield, is a dangerous practice that can lead to accidents, especially when someone is sitting 10 feet off the ground in a huge ground-eating 4x4. The term “reduced visibility” springs to mind. If you're already driving around town in a beast like this Ford pickup, the chances that you’re going to see that mom in her Prius have already gone way down. Slap some limo tint across your windshield and those chances just plummet through the floor. Not to mention, there's the whole “I’m more important than anyone else” vibe you get when you see a tint like this rolling down the street. People will hate you, dude—is a little tint worth it?
4. The Cheap Cargo Net
This next one is a particular pet peeve of mine in the truck world. I know, I know... you guys thought you were going to escape my pet peeves this time around. Sorry, they're never very far from the front of my mind when I start talking about cars. But I digress. The reason this is such a pet peeve of mine is that I understand it even less than so many of the other mods we talk about. Let me get this straight—you buy a new truck with a perfectly acceptable rear gate that latches shut and keeps everything in the bed of the truck without flying off the back of your ride. Then, you take that perfectly good rear gate off and replace it with a cheap piece of netting that stretches too-tight across the back until you’re afraid it'll snap and allow all of the equipment in the bed to slide around and slam into the net until the net finally gives and you lose everything out the rear end, causing a terrible accident and the loss of all of your stuff. Hmm, where do I sign up?
3. A-Pillar Gauges - Are We Racing Cars?
Like I’ve said before, pickup trucks aren't your normal racing vehicle; nor should they ever be. Which is why our next ridiculous truck-modding contender leaves me cold, even though a bunch of dudes like to do it. A-pillar gauges are for one thing and one thing only—actual race cars. They're not for slapping all over the interior of your truck to make it look like it’s some kind of race car. It’s not. It's a truck. The best part of this pic is that those gauges don’t look like they even actually do anything. They're there simply for show, and that is just patently dumb. Who wants to have a bunch of gauges and dials that don’t do anything except look like they might tell you something someday that they never will? Guys who believe their F-250s should be on a NASCAR track, I guess. I’ll never understand the world of modding…
How insane is this pic? We're looking at a true red-blooded truck here, not some kind of crazy car-show novelty. Actually, to me, this is a useless novelty. I mean, I totally get the whole hydraulics movement—there are some awesomely creative cars out there, and it’s a really fun way to try to outdo your rivals. But should we be putting hydraulics on pickup trucks? Methinks not. It’s just too weird a look for a truck and takes away from all of the qualities that actually make it a truck. I suppose because it's so out there that I could possibly give this mod a pass, but then, I wouldn’t be doing my job properly, would I? No, hydraulics need to stay in the realm of low riders and pocket rockets, not riding with the big boys.
1. Truck Nuts
We’re finally at the end of our long, strange trip through the land of bad truck mods. I hope you enjoyed some of the truly whacked-out things dudes do to their trucks. As long as there are guys with a little extra time, money, and energy, there are going to be plenty more pickup truck mod fails, and I, for one, look forward to making fun of those mods in all of their idiotic glory. I want to leave you, though, with absolutely the most idiotic truck mod ever. It’s called “Truck Nuts,” and… well, I think I’ll just let the picture speak for itself. They do say a picture is worth a thousand words, and in this case, they're 100% spot on. I just hope all of these guys who do this modification aren’t trying to say something about themselves—that would be too weird for words as well.