5 Subtle Savages Totally Won The Internet

5. When This Person Just Took A Piece Of Pizza From Someone Else’s Car

So, what we have here are two people: someone who wasn’t thinking and an opportunist. The simple facts of the matter are that someone bought several pizza slices, including a nice-looking pepperoni pizza, left them in the car with the windows down while they popped into Walmart, then realized their car was robbed when they came back. The only thing missing? One slice of pepperoni pizza. Don’t get us wrong, we would totally be freaked out to know someone else just reached into our car and took something that didn’t belong to them. But you can’t really blame a savage like the person who committed this crime for seeing an amazing opportunity like this and not taking advantage of it. The only thing more savage than stealing one slice of pizza from an open car window would’ve been taking the entire pizza.

4. When This Person Uninvited A Vegan To Their BBQ

This story of savageness begins when Johnny decides to have a barbecue. Johnny makes a group chat for the guests he invites and then asks if any of them are vegans. At first, this seems like it’s the beginning of a thoughtful gesture to acquire food that is suitable for vegans to eat at this beloved barbecue. So, when Sara responds back to Johnny saying that she is a vegan, we expect Johnny to then ask what she’d like to eat or maybe if she’ll be bringing her own food. Instead, Johnny turns into a complete savage and removes Sara from the group. This is a play right out of the Ron Swanson playbook who is the original savage when it comes to eating meat (and only meat).

3. When This Person Took Their Yearbook Quote To A Whole New Level

In the yearbook, every person that’s graduating gets a senior picture (sometimes more) and a designated area of space under their picture to write whatever they want. These are called “senior quotes” and they are intended to encapsulate something reminiscent or inspirational. Many choose to use this space to encourage their classmates to succeed, while others use it to put a funny, quirky quote from a TV show like The Office. Then, there are savages like Markie who choose to use this space to share the wildly inappropriate—but accurately substantial fact—that we can’t choose who our father is, but we can choose our daddy. And for those who are behind in the lingo, people now call their boyfriends and boothangs their “daddy.” Right on, Markie.

2. When This Person That Got Drunk In A Kiddie Pool In The Middle Of The Day

We wouldn’t necessarily consider getting drunk to be savage. People all over the world at every minute of every day are getting drunk. Maybe not everyone is getting crazy and blacked out, but alcohol is very popular just about everywhere. And even those who are getting crazy and blacked out aren’t necessarily savage either — they’re just avid partiers. We do, however, consider getting so drunk in a kiddie pool in the middle of the day to be pretty darn savage. Think about it: you have to have some kind of balls to go in a kiddie pool without a kid in the first place. Not everyone is brave enough to do that. But to get wasted enough to need help from the lifeguards in front of small children in their domain? That, my friends, is downright savage.

1. When This Person Used A Childhood Classic To Get Out Of Something

We’ve all been in situations where someone we may not really like asks us to do something. Or maybe someone we really like asks us to do something we really have no interest in doing. It’s a tough situation to deal with because you can’t decide which is worse: dealing with the person’s reaction to your rejection or actually doing the thing you really don’t want to do. That’s why we blame everything on mom. You’re completely off the hook if mom says no because you don’t have a say in it. This tactic to get out of things has a 99% success rate. But that’s only if you actually live with your mom. You could maybe get away with this in your 20's if the person didn’t really know you and your living situation. On the contrary, using this excuse with someone who knows you well enough to know you don’t live with your mom is one savage move.