7. Her Selfies Look Like This
OK, so you’re looking cute today and want to show the world. Great! Grab that phone and get to snapping.
Wait, what’s that on the floor? Actually, while we’re on the topic, where is the floor?! No one is saying your home has to look like it’s about to be featured on an HGTV show but come on, at least kick the dirty clothes into the corner.
Girls get a pass for taking a selfie in a dirty mirror if they’re at the gym, but there is absolutely no excuse for taking a selfie in front of her own bathroom mirror splattered in toothpaste and who knows what else. If she’s up on Instagram showing that her mirror has more toothpaste on it than her toothbrush, she may be a dirty girl.
6. Her Fingernails Look Like This
Not all girls feel the need to get frequent manicures or even buff their nails once a year, but if her cuticles are gnawed down to the first knuckle, beware. There’s a reason women in the United States spend $768 million a year on nail polish, because they want to look good.
Nail-biters can get a skin infection called paronychia, which is basically like a big gross pimple on the finger. Bacteria and other cooties can get right into the nails and skin due to all that broken skin, making this more than just aesthetically unpleasing. If her nails are literally torn up, she may be a dirty girl. And she may need to see a doctor if it gets too out of hand (no pun intended).
5. Her Phone Looks Like This
Nearly everyone with a smartphone without a protective case has experienced the horror of watching your phone slip out of your hand or off the table and fall face first into the floor. For those of us who have endured such events, the sound of that crack and the resulting glass splinters in our fingers as we desperately scroll across our once perfect phone are scarring to say the least.
But a chosen few folks in the world embrace the cracks. Not only that, but their phones are cracked in ways most of us cannot possibly comprehend. How exactly does one smash a phone to the point that it appears as if it was run over repeatedly by a stampede of elephants? Well, she probably threw it at someone. If her phone looks like a business after a riot, she may be a dirty girl.
4. Her Fridge Looks Like This
Remember that Cribs show on MTV? Stars would open up their glorious French door refrigerators to reveal perfectly lined up shelves filled with Cristal and bottled water. We’d all marvel at their organization skills, while simultaneously wondering WTF they eat since there’s never any actual food in the place where normal people store food.
Fridges are often neglected, with deep cleanings only occurring on stormy days when the WiFi goes out, but a crusty fridge packed with half-eaten takeout boxes, brown guacamole containers, and various Tupperware that may or may not have once contained actual food is a massive red flag.
If archeologists would be interested in studying her fridge in the hopes of finding fossils, she may be a dirty girl.
3. Her Microwave Looks Like This
We’ve all had a Hot Pocket ooze out on us from time-to-time, but there’s a reason those spinning plates come out. Spoiler alert: it’s so you can take it out and wipe it down every now and again.
It’s easy to let a microwave get disgusting, after all you don’t have to look at the mess except when you’re using the thing. If company comes over, you just keep the microwave door closed (I mean, what kind of weirdo leaves their microwave door open all the time?). It’s like it isn’t there at all.
At a minimum, however, a halfway clean person will wipe that thing down once in a while. If you don’t, you run the risk of getting a microwave that will always be an odd shade of stained-nicotine yellow and splattered Ragu red no matter how much you clean it.
If her microwave looks like your oldest Tupperware container in which you always store spaghetti sauce, she may be a dirty girl.
2. Her Car Looks Like This
We all have that one friend who spends twenty minutes moving the crap off their passenger side seat before we can get in that car. They keep at least six outfits in their trunk at any given time, and probably have one of those ice scraper thingies in there too even though y’all live in Florida. Most people call this hoarding, but your friend calls it being prepared.
Unless you live in the middle of nowhere and never stop for gas, chances are you come across at least one garbage can in the course of your day. Take two minutes to gather up the old bags of fast food, empty Starbucks cups, and greasy receipts and throw them out! It’s not difficult.
But if she’s collecting Starbucks cups like Beanie Babies thinking they might be worth something someday, she might be a dirty girl.
1. Her Earbuds Look Like This
Tangled earbuds are the curse of our time and absolutely no one is immune, except those smart enough to cut the cord and go wireless. For the rest of us, it’s just something we’ve learned to deal with.
But a select few people have gathered every pair of earbuds they’ve ever owned in their life and stuff them in their bag to remain there until the end of time. Sometimes, there are even stray phone chargers thrown in there just because.
Girls are particularly susceptible to this compulsion to hoard tangled earbuds, as they tend to have purses that can devour a lifetime’s worth of headphones like a giant sinkhole at the bottom.
One or two pairs and a charger is pretty normal. But if she’s got a rat’s nest of twenty pairs of earbuds all wrapped up with each other, clinging to their knots for dear life, she may be a dirty girl.