- Bride learns of his fiancee’s weird family tradition before getting married.
- She was asked to “prove” her “purity” among her fiancee’s family.
- This cringe-worthy tradition involves all the immediate men relatives of the groom.
No woman (and even man) deserves to be put on the spot where she’s not comfortable and doesn’t feel secure. No woman should allow anyone to trespass her privacy and personal boundaries. Not even her so-called husband-to-be.
This becomes the case for a Reddit user behind the handle FarReference3 who took to the forum to discuss a disgusting situation she found herself getting into. There are a lot of different, quirky traditions each family in the world chooses to follow, but this one is just over the top.
According to this bride-to-be, she was shocked to learn that her fiancee’s family has a weird ceremony to pass before officially being allowed to join their family. Apparently, these women must first “prove” their virginity before getting married to their partners.
And she learned of this only 2 days before the wedding.
Here’s how FarReference3’s post in Reddit goes:
My fiance proposed to me about 8 months ago. We decided on having a relatively small wedding which is in two days. Everything was going great. He seems absolutely perfect and we are very much in love.
I am a virgin and so is he, he wanted to save it for marriage and I wasn’t fussed so I agreed to saving it. He has told me earlier that in his family the father checks the virginity of the bride the night before the wedding. I laughed this off as it seriously sounds like a massive joke. No turns out he was dead serious. He wants me, the night before to open my legs up in a small ceremony type thing so his dad can check me while him, his brothers and uncle can watch so that they know I am still ‘pure’.
I told him fat chance I am going to do that and he was begging to me to go through with it and how important it is for him. He said he knew it was slightly embarrassing for me but his mom did and it will prove how much I love him and that I have nothing to hide anyway as I am still a virgin. I left and he was crying, it was very dramatic tbh.
I want to call off the whole wedding because of this and never talk to him again. But at the same time its only one thing and other then that we are genuinely perfect for each other and I dont want to spend my life with anyone else and it is very important to him and his family.
What the frick frack do I do. I am currently at my friends house and I might stay here for the night. tomorrow would be our last day as an unmarried couple and I am straight up panicking.
Can you even imagine yourself spreading your legs for men to prove your virginity? Why do women in this modern-day and age even have to prove anything to anyone?
A previous uproar among women and women rights supporters happened just recently when the rapper T.I. (via CNN) proudly disclosed that he brings his teenage daughter to the doctor regularly to check her hymen and make sure her sexual “purity” is still intact.
Amid mixed and wild reactions pertaining to his parenting choice surface online, the rapper refuses to accept that this is oppressive and in violation of her daughter’s rights.
FarReference3 also received an overwhelming response of support and enlightenment from fellow commenters saying that she should be more protective of herself than of someone else’s crooked beliefs. Comments saying that this was a pure manipulation and this isn’t anything about love flooded the thread.
Other commenters pointed out how it’s a taboo to equate virginity with the hymen being intact. Some of them explained how biologically a hymen can break not just because of having sexual intercourse. Others, though, went on by sharing how they lost their “virginity” if that was the basis–by ski accidents, bumping into trees, and just by mere exercise.
However, the whole point of these people bombarding the comment section with such was their concern for and hope that the original poster (OP) would finally realize what she should do and leave the relationship. She did realize it, but still in a traumatizing and insulting way:
First of all thank you so much for all the replies, I didnt think this would get so big. I have read pretty much all of them (special shout out goes to the person who says this was fake solely on the fact that I write like a man, whatever that means XD)
Also thanks for all the gold and silver, it’s appreciated although if you wanna spend money give it to charity or something.
I went and talked to him this morning I told him that his father is not going to look at me and he needs to respect that. He was adamant that it needs to happen and accused me about lying about my virginity. I was trying to be calm and rational but he was not having it and just became more and more angry. I told him if he really loved me he would stand by me on this and tell his father no to which he slapped me and said he didnt need to prove anything.
so I ended it and left him. I am currently back at my friends house being miserable and eating pizza which is pretty fun.
so yup. Thanks everyone
In a more ideal situation, I hope the former-bride would go to the authorities to report this. And who knows, there could maybe be even graver “ceremonies” happening in this family that no one deserves to undergo. Just the thought of it makes me cringe.