Having a baby can hit your self esteem because carrying a baby changes your body. A lot of us work really hard to accept the changes, learn to love the new curves, dimples, and stripes that now adorn our body. We strive to find comfort in the new skin we're in and putting on a bathing suit—to wear in front of other people—can be a really intimidating experience. Having people around who love us and support us is one way to help us learn to be comfortable in our new skin.
One mom did just that – rocked a swimsuit during a family event – but instead of support she was met with criticism.
In an AITA thread on Reddit, an anonymous husband (OP) sought advice on his wife's post-baby body, and it backfired hard.
"This Memorial Day, our family decided to have a small barbecue by our outdoor pool," he started his post off writing. "My wife gave birth to our youngest daughter seven months ago, and this is the first time our family has gotten to have fun together."
"My sister (26) and my mother, who are both staying in our guesthouse, came over and brough my six year old nephew," he said. He went on to say that everyone was having fun swimming and his teenage niece was having fun posting Instagram Stories and TikTok videos.
"…when my wife walks out wearing a bikini."
OP says it got "awkward" because "for the first time" everyone was seeing his wife's body in her swimsuit.
AITA for objecting to my wife’s bikini for family pictures? https://t.co/VNhFR267nD pic.twitter.com/AJYWDncqRi
— Am I the Asshole? (@AITA_reddit) May 30, 2020
"Everybody got a full view of her still pregnant looking stomach as well as very wrinkled and leathery looking skin," he then added. OP continued his story saying that his wife went into the pool to play with their nephew when OP's mom took him aside to speak to him.
"My mom whispers in my ear that a 40 year old woman in a bikini looked tacky," he shared. "And she brings up that my daughter was planning to post a family picture to Instagram." OP goes on to share that his daughter was worried about having a photo of her mom in a bikini on her social profile, used some really disgusting words to describe the new mom's body --- and then OP thought it would be a good idea to bring this up with his wife. So, he did.
OP says he took his wife aside to speak to her about what she was wearing to go swimming.
"I pull my wife aside and ask if she could change into non pool going clothes or a one piece" OP said. "She flips out at me and starts explaining how this body gave me a precious baby and made a general scene. She then storms off and we end up having to take the picture without her."
As if all this wasn't horrible enough, this isn't the first time OP's shamed his wife's body.
She had three kids, her last one just seven months ago. And when the two spoke again, according to OP, his wife brings up a past discussion he had with her about getting a tummy tuck. He wrote, "When the party ends, she brings up the old argument of when we suggested she get a tummy tuck from the plastic surgeon my sister used."
OP says his wife then called him a "misogynist" and then he said he was "just objectively pointing out the fact that if she could have a stomach that is flatter" why should she accept any different.
The OP says his wife has moved her stuff out of their shared bedroom and is sleeping in the baby's room and is "ignoring" him. He says his mom is backing him on this saying he "only made a suggestion" and that he was "looking out" for his eldest daughter.
However, commenters chimed in on his AITA ask: "AITA for objecting to my wife’s bikini for family pictures?"
It really didn't take a lot for people to point out what should be obvious in this situation.
"Yeah super YTA. There is nothing wrong with your wife’s stomach," one person commented. "There is nothing tacky about her swim suit. Want a bikini body? Get bikini, put it on. Done. You and your family was so incredibly disrespectful to your wife."
"She gave birth to a baby, your baby, oh woe betide someone wearing a bikini who doesn't have a flat stomach and gravity defying tits after giving birth," another person chimed in. They continued saying, "YTA and you know what, your daughter has 14k followers, who i can't imagine is going to join a group body shaming session, since you allowed YOUR CHILD TO BODYSHAME HER OWN MOTHER! And you did it too, sorry a tummy tuck?"
"There's no way this is real, right?" another person questioned, because it's hard to believe. Adding, "YTA you, your mother, and your daughter."
"YTA she was causing no harm to anyone," another said, adding, "she was feeling confident and comfortable and the members of your family including yourself went out of your way to pick on her, insult her behind her back and destroy her confidence."
There were a lot of people who wondered if this was a troll, someone who was posting to get a rise out of people. However, treatment like this is a reality for some people, getting teased and picked on by these who are supposed to love them the most.
Don't be like OP! Also, your postpartum body is beautiful.