Yeah, your ex-boyfriend is crazy, but is he demands-to-inspect-your-poop crazy?
Jealousy, misogyny and stupidity reach new heights in this story shared to Reddit's Relationship forum, which has gone viral for being so utterly batsh*t—emphasis on the sh*t.
The post is titled, "My boyfriend [28-year-old-male] wants me [27-year-old female] to take a dump in front of him to prove that I'm not cheating," and this guy is full of crap:
I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year now. I live alone, and he frequently spends the night at my apartment. We have a healthy, trusting relationship, however I'm aware that his previous girlfriend cheated on him. Prior to this week, he never expressed any lack of trust in me.
My apartment is fairly old, so it takes a while for the water to heat up. Sometimes, while I'm waiting for the shower to get warm, I take a dump. I don't want to flush the toilet and screw up the water temperature, so I'll take a dump, shower, and then flush the toilet.
A few days prior to posting, our heroine took her traditional dump but forgot to flush the toilet after bathing. Her boyfriend arrived, went to the bathroom, "and then emerged with a completely dead look on his face. He asked whose sh*t was in the toilet."
Here's where things went from weird to worse. The boyfriend was "completely bewildered" and did not buy that his girlfriend could produce such excrement.
"He replied that I was a liar, and that 'no girl could take a dump that big,'" she wrote. "He was completely serious."
How do you respond to such a thing like that? She didn't:
I couldn't believe I was in this conversation. I couldn't even get upset or angry. I just said, like an idiot, "But... it's my sh*t?"
My boyfriend walked out without another word and ignored my calls for the rest of the night. The next day, he agreed to meet for lunch. He apologized for leaving in such a rush, but said he still couldn't believe me when I said it was my own sh*t. He said he'd be willing to give me a "second chance" if I could prove it. I didn't really understand what he was getting at, so he elaborated that he wanted to see me take a dump in front of him, to prove that my sh*t actually looked like that.
The woman has yet to respond to the paranoid poop fiend, and turned to Reddit for advice.
"I seriously love this man, but I'm honestly at a complete loss. He's made it clear that this is a dealbreaker for him," she explained.
The internet's opinion is that she should dump this paranoid creep. Not only are women the sh*t, we also take sh*ts, and any man worth being with understands how human excrement knows no gender! Our butts may be sexualized, but trust us, they also get stuff done.
If the story is fake, it's the most exhilarating fiction I've read in years.